Tennis
October 3, 2007
Earlier this year I had the oppertunity to express my passion. The truth is though, it took me until this year to figure out what it was. It wasn’t until this year that I learned that my passion is tennis. I had played tennis before, but never really thought about playing competativly. Then last year I heard about the tennis team that our school has. After going to some of the practices I discovered that I really enjoyed playing the sport. I go to practice everyday, which is a little over 2 hours. Although somedays I may complain about practice, deep down I really do like it. I am only on JV this year, but I am striving to do my best so that maybe someday I can be on varsity.
October 3, 2007 at 1:54 am
Jena,
You are telling your readers about what your passion is, but you are not transporting them into the passion that you feel. You opening is good, especially in telling how you have only recently discovered what your passion truly is.
Now I want you to rewrite this post but write it in a way that you are sharing your passion with me – I want to feel, at least in part, what you are feeling.
October 3, 2007 at 2:12 am
I added a just to make the page accessible, but it isn’t really a very good title. Feel free to change it to something much better!
October 15, 2007 at 4:22 pm
Your paragraph is really good, but i think you should try to go into detail why you love tenis, what makes you love it, and how it makes you feel.
Jessica Uhring.